On Friday the 25th of september the Ministry of Sovereignty threatened the North Korean regime with military action after the regime’s police forces had captured Arctischian traveller James Stewart and sent him to custody for photographing the North Korean side of the border. The traveller had arrived in North Korea with his mates only 7 days prior hoping to get an insight into the mysterious country. After the capture the Ministry of Sovereignty had asked North Korea to let the traveller go or else the regime would risk losing diplomatic ties with one of the greatest military powers in Europe. In response the regime decided to also take Arctischian diplomats into custody for “violating diplomatic terms” which prompted the Ministry of Sovereignty to threaten military action against the regime specifically targeting the Kim dynasty. When North Korea responded with a slap in the face to the government of Arctischia the Bundesverteidigungsamt (Federal Defence Agency) launched several attacks on North Korea’s government headquarters including military equipment storage facilites. After several hours of constant attacks capable of overpowering the North Korean armed forces, the North Korean government was forced to release the young traveller and the diplomats. They were then escorted via the government A380 back home to New Scotland.
Blah blah. We all heard the story, but, today, some dude who claimed to be the son of god or some shit has been crucified. Does he deserve this? yes. He is most definitely a dog abuser, and goat rapist.
Now, a lot of people may believe that this young man is God’s son, however, here at ACNA, we trust in fact, science and logic. As per all our extended research, God is dead, and not only that, has never fucking existed. Heres a picture of this alleged act:
Looks bad until you realize that he supports not getting rid of the government spies know as “birds”
We all know Santa, right? His loving charm and wit amazes all the kids in town! But what if i told you that there is a much darker side to our beloved Christmas “hero”?
Hi I’m Shady Goat, and for the past couple of weeks I have been investigating into Santa’s involvement in the Chernobyl disaster, The 11th of October Scandal and that will transition nicely into the really big truths behind him.
Now then, lets talk chernobyl. The famous Chernobyl disaster was cause seemingly by some poles over heating, causing a plant to go boom boom, but is that really what happened? That’s right. Santa has been involved in this.
Think about it, where was he when this happened? No one can confirm. He says he was sleeping, however, recently some people have come out against him. Although they present some striking evidence, it will not be enough to convict him. Has he really caused this? It remains to be a mystery!
Besides that, I wanted to mention the scandal on October 11th 2001. What was this you may ask, well, a lot of sources don’t talk about this scandal often. Or at all sometimes. On this day, there was a giant anti-pedo sting operation, which was a huge success. A giant child trafficking ring was broken apart, most of them being arrested. However, 4 suspects got away, one of them being fat, in a red cape, with whats believed to be a white beard. Who does that sound like? That’s right, it sounds like Santa. While this was not enough for me to confidently say that he is a Pedophile or (MAP), it did cause me to dig. And oh boy did I find some stuff.
First off, in some of his own songs: “Santa only cums once a year”, we’ll get back to this later, “you better watch out, you better not cry”, he is trying to brainwash kids into normalizing him, “he sees when you are sleeping, he sees when you are awake”, a clear admission of stocking kids, “so be good for goodness’ sake”, this is a clear anti-sex addict plea. We’ll get back to this a bit later, but santa clearly has his kinks, and likes to “punish” the “naughty” kids.
Now, regarding all this sex-addict pedo stuff. Think of it this way:
- Santa was a sex addicted pedophile.
- Santa became santa, to have access to so many children
- Santa began his brainwashing
- First Christmas, all that snow WAS NOT snow. You can understand yourself what it is
- He brings in children to sit on his lap, pleasuring him, and masks it under “taking their wishes”. He is actually humiliating them at the same time by repeatedly calling them a “hoe” which is something he gets of to, apparently.
- Once he is done with 1 child, he brings in the next. Sometimes he calls them “naughty” and says he will “punish” them. This is often seen during the mating act as “kinky”.
- Once christmas he decides he will no longer be this sex driven man. He will go clean, which is when he starts singing about how he only cums once a year, that being christmas
- He establishes a cum cocoon, otherwise known as the north pole, and is testing his will for an entire year.
After you imagine it all this way, a bunch of loose ends are tied together and everything makes perfect sencse.
Conclusion of this is that you should never trust a stranger with a white (from cum) beard with your kids. This man is a danger to society and I wish he never existed. He still uses kids for pleasure, although admittedly, only one child per year. This doesn’t even get into the elf-slavery he does!
Breaking news! The earlier established Council of Concentrated Koreans has started questioning the ways of our great leaders, and started asking if their council was truly necessary. Now, since the council was establish around 8th of September, the council has already decided on some truly life changing things.
Now, allegedly, when the council first got together, they signed the “Fuck Me Harder” (FMH) bill. The FMH bill has already brought major change to the population size of the great nation, and has brought great positive impact on our economy.
However, allegedly they all have asked the great leaders why is this council a thing, and try denying the fact that they signed any bills.
Before publishing, we have received word that after a major operation with the Bundesnachrichtendienst (National Intelligence Service), all 8 major members have allegedly died in a shoot out, for consummations of Chemical XYZABCDOGSAREUSEDTOMAKETHISCHEMICAL123, which is a drug like chemical which is not produced by any nation, as it was deemed that the production of it is animal cruelty. The main ingredient of this drug is dead puppies, and the only way to make this is to use homemade, as such urgent, deadly force needed to me taken. The COCK has been disbanded.