On Friday the 25th of september the Ministry of Sovereignty threatened the North Korean regime with military action after the regime’s police forces had captured Arctischian traveller James Stewart and sent him to custody for photographing the North Korean side of the border. The traveller had arrived in North Korea with his mates only 7 days prior hoping to get an insight into the mysterious country. After the capture the Ministry of Sovereignty had asked North Korea to let the traveller go or else the regime would risk losing diplomatic ties with one of the greatest military powers in Europe. In response the regime decided to also take Arctischian diplomats into custody for “violating diplomatic terms” which prompted the Ministry of Sovereignty to threaten military action against the regime specifically targeting the Kim dynasty. When North Korea responded with a slap in the face to the government of Arctischia the Bundesverteidigungsamt (Federal Defence Agency) launched several attacks on North Korea’s government headquarters including military equipment storage facilites. After several hours of constant attacks capable of overpowering the North Korean armed forces, the North Korean government was forced to release the young traveller and the diplomats. They were then escorted via the government A380 back home to New Scotland.
Blah blah. We all heard the story, but, today, some dude who claimed to be the son of god or some shit has been crucified. Does he deserve this? yes. He is most definitely a dog abuser, and goat rapist.
Now, a lot of people may believe that this young man is God’s son, however, here at ACNA, we trust in fact, science and logic. As per all our extended research, God is dead, and not only that, has never fucking existed. Heres a picture of this alleged act:
Looks bad until you realize that he supports not getting rid of the government spies know as “birds”
We all know Santa, right? His loving charm and wit amazes all the kids in town! But what if i told you that there is a much darker side to our beloved Christmas “hero”?
Hi I’m Shady Goat, and for the past couple of weeks I have been investigating into Santa’s involvement in the Chernobyl disaster, The 11th of October Scandal and that will transition nicely into the really big truths behind him.
Now then, lets talk chernobyl. The famous Chernobyl disaster was cause seemingly by some poles over heating, causing a plant to go boom boom, but is that really what happened? That’s right. Santa has been involved in this.
Think about it, where was he when this happened? No one can confirm. He says he was sleeping, however, recently some people have come out against him. Although they present some striking evidence, it will not be enough to convict him. Has he really caused this? It remains to be a mystery!
Besides that, I wanted to mention the scandal on October 11th 2001. What was this you may ask, well, a lot of sources don’t talk about this scandal often. Or at all sometimes. On this day, there was a giant anti-pedo sting operation, which was a huge success. A giant child trafficking ring was broken apart, most of them being arrested. However, 4 suspects got away, one of them being fat, in a red cape, with whats believed to be a white beard. Who does that sound like? That’s right, it sounds like Santa. While this was not enough for me to confidently say that he is a Pedophile or (MAP), it did cause me to dig. And oh boy did I find some stuff.
First off, in some of his own songs: “Santa only cums once a year”, we’ll get back to this later, “you better watch out, you better not cry”, he is trying to brainwash kids into normalizing him, “he sees when you are sleeping, he sees when you are awake”, a clear admission of stocking kids, “so be good for goodness’ sake”, this is a clear anti-sex addict plea. We’ll get back to this a bit later, but santa clearly has his kinks, and likes to “punish” the “naughty” kids.
Now, regarding all this sex-addict pedo stuff. Think of it this way:
- Santa was a sex addicted pedophile.
- Santa became santa, to have access to so many children
- Santa began his brainwashing
- First Christmas, all that snow WAS NOT snow. You can understand yourself what it is
- He brings in children to sit on his lap, pleasuring him, and masks it under “taking their wishes”. He is actually humiliating them at the same time by repeatedly calling them a “hoe” which is something he gets of to, apparently.
- Once he is done with 1 child, he brings in the next. Sometimes he calls them “naughty” and says he will “punish” them. This is often seen during the mating act as “kinky”.
- Once christmas he decides he will no longer be this sex driven man. He will go clean, which is when he starts singing about how he only cums once a year, that being christmas
- He establishes a cum cocoon, otherwise known as the north pole, and is testing his will for an entire year.
After you imagine it all this way, a bunch of loose ends are tied together and everything makes perfect sencse.
Conclusion of this is that you should never trust a stranger with a white (from cum) beard with your kids. This man is a danger to society and I wish he never existed. He still uses kids for pleasure, although admittedly, only one child per year. This doesn’t even get into the elf-slavery he does!
Breaking news! The earlier established Council of Concentrated Koreans has started questioning the ways of our great leaders, and started asking if their council was truly necessary. Now, since the council was establish around 8th of September, the council has already decided on some truly life changing things.
Now, allegedly, when the council first got together, they signed the “Fuck Me Harder” (FMH) bill. The FMH bill has already brought major change to the population size of the great nation, and has brought great positive impact on our economy.
However, allegedly they all have asked the great leaders why is this council a thing, and try denying the fact that they signed any bills.
Before publishing, we have received word that after a major operation with the Bundesnachrichtendienst (National Intelligence Service), all 8 major members have allegedly died in a shoot out, for consummations of Chemical XYZABCDOGSAREUSEDTOMAKETHISCHEMICAL123, which is a drug like chemical which is not produced by any nation, as it was deemed that the production of it is animal cruelty. The main ingredient of this drug is dead puppies, and the only way to make this is to use homemade, as such urgent, deadly force needed to me taken. The COCK has been disbanded.
After a troubling case with Mr. Andrew Garfield McGoo and his dog, the court has ruled to punish dog abusers with a firing squad.
On the 19th of July Mr. Andrew Garfield McGoo’s neighbors have reported potential animal abuse from Mr. Andrew’s household. The next day the ASS (Arctischia Secret Services) have made a sting operation to catch Mr. Andrew red handed. It was successful, and the court found Mr. Andrew guilty and the sentencing was being decided on for the past month. In the end, the Jury have decided to use a quick and easy way to dispose of the filth that stains the Federal Republic of Arctischia is with the help of a firing squad.
The Judge has further rules that all confirmed cases of animal abuse will be dealt with similarly.
Glory to Arctischia!
Most leaders in under the control of the great nation of Arctischia are Zoomer kids, and they rule with epic rule. However, it has been relieved with urgency that the capitalist leaders (Mainly <redacted :D>) have been allegedly opposing the publicly supported Goat’s Rights movement in private. While many have been allegedly tricked by their capitalist lies during speeches pre-election, some frighting information have come from an anonymous source that in private they have been making anti goat remarks.
In protest to this, many Goat rights activists have proposed to make a Goat Empire, although that idea is not widely publicly supported. It is true however that a lot of the activists have stormed the house of <redacted>, and a lot of the outside supporters (activists from other nations, not as great as ours), have stormed <redacted>’s off shore property and have taken hostage over all they could get their hands on.
The activists demand a civil rights act to be passed now, but so far the only response from <redacted> was allegedly “fuck no” (sent via Discord to the great leader Shady Goat, at 10:05pm, Arctischia time)
As the story develops, the CNA will write articles updating all on this situation
We all know about the bird “animals” that are used by the USA and Russia and other money hungry fat nations to spy on their citezens. Yesterday, the leaders of Arctischia have decided to not follow their oily capitalist dirty disgusting hands of the “sovereign nations”‘s way, and not do mass citezen survailance through birds, and any bird that lands on the Federal Republic of Arctischia will be shot & lethally damaged. This will prevent the power hungry capitalists from obtaining information on Arctischia’s citizens.
The leader “Shady Goat” has further stated that they will fight with fire and furry on any other spying techniques like Giraffe (Grand information radio and fucking filing electronics) and Cake (Comfortable annihilation kilometre electronics). It is a lie.
Furthermore, the great nation of Arctischia will file a claim with the newly joined CNN (not CNN news), specifically the ECJ to legally remove those nationalist nations of the face of this earth!
The leaders have not yet fully clarified on the means of how they will destroy them all, but has mentioned fake birds to lure in the “real” birds.
Thanks to the freezing climate of Arctischia and the government’s response to the pandemic Arctischia is finally COVID-19 free. The last month no new COVID-19 cases were reported and starting on next Friday the ban for public gatherings has been lifted and the 2 metre rule will be gradually relaxed.
Scientists from Arctischia’s Institute of Technology are now nearing the end of finalizing research for a vaccine to cure the disease. Testing on animal test subjects will begin shortly and if successful the vaccine will start to be rolled out to COVID-19 test stations to vaccinate those who are tested. The directorate for public health gave a speech about the scientific improvements Arctischia has made which included the following quote: “Thanks to our great scientists we can finally start relaxing the COVID-19 restrictions and start the recovery of our economy”. Happy cheering could be heard all over the city centre of the capital Frankhofstadt as the public heard the last words of the speech.
The supreme court of Arctischia has ruled that the killer of George Floyd should be sentenced to a lifetime sentence in federal prison for his “crimes against humanity”. The court rules that the crime Derek Chauvin committed against George Floyd is simply inhumane and violates the law of basic human dignity. Due to the manner that the crime was committed in Derek is legally not considered a human under Arctischian law and therefore can be sentenced to a lifetime sentence in federal solitary confinement. Shall Derek ever step foot in Arctischia he will immediately be escorted to the prison and will not be released on any terms, bail or e.t.c. In short if Derek ever enters Arctischia he is here to stay for the rest of his life.
In a recent report published by The Federal Health Service of Arctischia (FHS) it was reported that the incest rate in Arctischia has reached an all time high since 1984. The rate back then was 8 occurrences of incest for every 100 sexual interactions. Today the rate has reached an all time high of 12.4 per 100 sexual interactions. In addition to this shocking information the report states that “the region responsible for around 75% of the incest occurrences is New England.” which is sure to shock those living in neighboring New Scotland since they are more widely known for incest than New England is.
In response to this the federal government is launching a new service, the Bundesvölkerregister (the Federal People’s Register), which will work similarly to Iceland’s “Íslendingabók” but as supposed to being primarily used to trace back ancestry it is primarily used to prevent incest between young adults. Becoming a member of the program is not compulsory but signing up for the program gives you a 100% discount off of STD check-ups which would cost you around 20$ normally, so for most people it makes fiscal sense to sign up for the program.